- Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
- What do you call a fish wearing a crown? King Gill.
- Why did the math book look sad? It had too many problems.
- I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.
- How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
- What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
- Why don’t eggs tell each other secrets? They might crack up.
- What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt!
- I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
- Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
- Why don’t crabs give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
- What do you call a factory that makes good products? A satisfactory.
- Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
- I’m friends with all the letters, but I love U the most.
- What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.
- I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
- Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.
- Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two tired.
- What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
- What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where’s popcorn?
- How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
- What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
- What does a bee use to brush its hair? A honeycomb.
- Why was the math teacher afraid of the graph? It had too many plots.
- What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
- I asked my dog what’s two minus two. He said nothing.
- Why was the broom late to work? It swept in.
- What do you call a group of musical whales? An orca-stra.
- Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it’d be a foot.
- How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut.
- Why are elevator jokes so good? They work on so many levels.
- What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
- Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
- Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
- I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me cookies.
- How do cows stay up to date? They read the moos-paper.
- What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
- What kind of music do mummies listen to? Wrap.
- What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
- How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.
- What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
- Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? There was nothing left but de-brie.
- Why was the belt arrested? It held up a pair of pants.
- Why can’t you trust stairs? They’re always up to something.
- What do you get if you cross a pie and a snake? A python.
- Why do birds fly south in the winter? Because it’s too far to walk.
- I gave all my batteries away today… free of charge.
- Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he’s a fungi.
- How do you organize a space party? You planet.
- Why don’t vampires attack snowmen? They get frostbite.
- Why did the chicken go to the seance? To talk to the other side.
- Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? To get to the bottom.
- What did one wall say to the other wall? I’ll meet you at the corner.
- Why can’t you play hide and seek with mountains? They always peak.
- What did the coffee say to the sugar? I’m sweet on you.
- Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open.
- What do you call a rooster staring at lettuce? A chicken Caesar salad.
- Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.
- How do you know the ocean is friendly? It waves.
- Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback.
- How do you make an octopus laugh? With ten-tickles.
- Why was the baby strawberry sad? His parents were in a jam.
- What’s a ninja’s favorite drink? Wataaa!
- How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut.
- Why did the bee get married? He found his honey.
- Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn’t peeling well.
- What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts.
- Why do ghosts like elevators? It lifts their spirits.
- What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
- Why do chickens sit on eggs? Because they don’t have chairs.
- Why did the barber win a race? He took a shortcut.
- What kind of car does a Jedi drive? A Toy-Yoda.
- What did one hat say to the other? Stay here, I’m going on ahead.
- Why did the baker go to therapy? He kneaded it.
- Why was the calendar always nervous? Its days were numbered.
- Why do fish live in saltwater? Because pepper makes them sneeze.
- What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
- Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
- What does a cloud wear under its clothes? Thunderwear.
- What did the fish say when he hit the wall? Dam.
- Why was the stadium so hot? All the fans left.
- How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
- What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.
- Why did the music teacher go to jail? She got caught with too many notes.
- What do you call a broken can opener? A can’t opener.
- What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
- How does the moon cut its hair? Eclipse it.
- What’s the best way to watch a fly-fishing tournament? Live stream.
- Why did the baker go broke? He couldn’t make enough dough.
- What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
- How does a vampire start a letter? Tomb it may concern.
- Why did the photo go to jail? It was framed.
- What do you call a snowman in the summer? A puddle.
- Why don’t trees gossip? They keep everything to themselves.
- Why did the orange lose the race? It ran out of juice.
- What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros? Elephino.
- Why did the scarecrow become a successful politician? He was outstanding in his field.
- What do you call a bear with no ear? B.
- Why was the belt arrested? It held up a pair of pants.